“The way sadness works is one of the strange riddles of the world. If you are stricken with a great sadness, you may feel as if you have been set aflame, not only because of the enormous pain but also because your sadness may spread over your life, like smoke from an enormous fire.
Dealing with Depresssion
Hey you all!!! I know it has been awhile. As I always say. But it has literally been almost a year! But so much has happened in these 10 months, and that would have to another post for another day. But today we are obviously talking about depression. Now I have always been very vocal about my life and dealing with anxiety and depression. I don’t need to have it as a secret. And I also feel like it helps to talk about it so that it encourages others to explain what they are dealing it.
So for the last maybe 5-6 months my depression has really been at a all time high. Normally I am able to deal with it on my own. Isolate, meditate, stop drinking, getting rid of any negative energy, and changing my daily routine. But nothing seem to work this time, it had got to the point that I thought I need professional help. I had a major break down, while in a room with nothing but friends having a good time. I thought something was seriously wrong with me. I felt nothing but sadness for weeks. To the point I got up and cried to my mother about it.
Now mind you nothing in my life is really wrong. I still have a pretty good paying job to be only 26 and no degree, my kids are health and smarter than ever, my health is pretty good, makeup business is doing great, still in school and taking my time, and I FINALLY just moved in to my first apartment. So why am I feeling like this? I try to explain to others but most don’t understand. Always asking well what if it is nothing going wrong, you should be grateful and happy. But it definitely doesn’t work like this. The one thing I have notice is that I stopped writing, I used to write poetry all the time! Just getting my thoughts out and really clear my head out. So I wrote this;
Depression is such a complex word…
Depression is the anxiety you feel, and the drinking to help numb it
It is the loneliness you feel, and the stranger that lies next to you to make you forget it
It is the tiredness you feel that sleep cannot cure.
Or when your family say you lack motivation. But they don’t know you can’t see yourself in the future.
It comes in so many forms
Hidden for days, sleeping for hours, shouting at love ones.
Your seem to be losing yourself in the mist of it.
It is the guilt of the things that you have done
And the fear of the failures that you have yet to attempt.
Constantly thinking everything you are doing is wrong in some way…
I haven’t been able to really see that I was suffering because I tend to keep myself so busy that I don’t get a moment to reflect or think. Sometimes it can be helpful other days it can be a real struggle.
If you need help or someone to talk to please try your love ones and if they can’t truly understand please contact a professional or even the Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255, you can also text them as well.
Thank you for reading.
30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day 15
I’m back lol, sorry it been a lot going on! 
5 years from now… Hmmm I think about this all the time. I used to be someone that never planned always stare of the moment type of person. But after having my kids, I learned that you have to prepare for life or you will be lost. But I will explain my 5 year plan in sections.
Business
My makeup business has been growing, But I know it can be so much bigger. by 2023 my shop would be open for a few years and full success will all services in that shop.
Family/ Love
My mom always told me “You wanna make God laugh, telling him your plan” and it funny because she only say it when I’m talking about my love life. As ya already know I’m EXTRA single right now, but its for the best right now. I would like to be married before I’m 30, but if it happens it happens. And of course I want more children within the next 5 years.
School
I’ll be done with my BBA (Business Admin with Marketing) in 2021 (sound so far away). I have been debating on if I will get my Master or not. I haven’t really come to a full decision on it.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
30 Day Blogging Challenge : Day 14
3 Healthy Habits That I have, hmmmm….
I guess the top three habits I have is
- I have learned to walk away from people when I know they mean nothing but harm to my positive energy. Now when I mean that, you can tell when people are trying to steal something from your spirit. They seem like they are there to to help you but for some odd reason you get a strange feeling about them. Follow your first mind
- I drink A LOT of water. I don’t play about drink water. I may drink a lot of coffee, but water is always a number one go to. It keeps your skin clear, healthier bowel moments, and the best way to detox.
- I forgive. No matter what someone does to me, I will forgive you. Now when I tell people this they always say “I just can’t forgive someone like that, and then still be around them like nothing happened.” And I always respond with “Just because I forgive someone doesn’t mean I have to be their friend or even be around them.” I will forgive anyone, but just because I forgive you doesn’t mean we will still be in each others life. Sometimes the damage that has been done can’t be corrected. I forgive people for myself never for them. I don’t want to have any hate in my heart when i die and I would rather live in nothing but positive energy and peace.
What are you healthy habits??
30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day 13
My favorite pet! That’s so easy! I have had pets my entire life, pretty much since I was born. But my favorite would had to have been my dog Indo. Indo was a German shepherd and Chow mixed. One day my dad found her only about 6 or 7 weeks old sitting out under my neighbors tree. She looked like a little cub, nothing but hair on her, you could barely see her face. She was the absolute cutest!. I think I was about 12 when we got her. She was with my family until I was about 23, and then she ended up losing her sight. She had gotten old and very mean too. You could tell she was almost ready to leave us. But I do have another dog, he truly is my other son. But as of right now that probably is my favorite pet I have ever had. So much that I’ve been trying to find another dog that looks just a little like her, so that my son’s can have an Indo of their own.
30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day 12
5 Countries I want to visit, I kinda already answers this but I can give you a few more that I’m dying to go to.
- Italy (Venice)
- Tokyo
- Dubai
- Ireland (Because I got my DNA tested and I’m 40% Irish)
- Mexico
I guess these are the countries I would like to visit in the next 7 years. I actually had to really think about it. It really is a lot of places that I would love to go to in my lifetime, and eventually it’ll happen with time.
What place do you want to visit?
30 Day Blogging Challenge : Day 11
OHHHH LAWD if you don’t know, know this I LOVE FOOD. So to pick my top five is probably the hardest thing I have to do.
- Pasta. Pasta is EVERYTHING! I’m pretty sure I was Italian in my past life.
- Fried chicken
- Most Mexican Food, I come froma long line of Hispanics heritage, and I love a little spice in my food.
- Pesto, now I know this isn’t exactly a food, more of a sauce. But Pesto can be places on top off all meats, as well as pasta. Its Vegan as well. So its always a plus for all people. I make mines from scratch. I buy as much basil as I can during the summer and create a large batch of it and freeze and enjoy it as I want.
- Steak! I have always loved steak but recently I have tried a new restaurant called Fired Bird, their steaks are absolutely everything. From the cut to how it is cooked for me (Medium Well). If you have one in your city I would definitely recommend it!.
That was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do! lol But tell me what is your favorite food?
30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day 10
The Trip of my life. Well that’s easy I just spoke about this to my mom. I want a trip to Europe for a month. I would want to be able to see all the beautiful places I have only seen online or in books. But during half the time I would want to stay in Venice. Being that I think it is the most beautiful place on earth. It is something about the water when I see it in video and people travel on the water. It looks so romantic and calm. I just LOVE it! It is something I have been planning for myself since I was a little girl. I will be definitely be making it a reality soon.
Where would you like to go?
30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day 9
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day 8
Five Bucket List
- Sky Dive! I’ve always wanted to, idk why but it seems fun
- Stay in Venice, Italy for a year
- Get a complete art work on my back (tattoo)
- Owe a Motorcycle. Even though I have my own personal issue with the lifestyle of some I still love the way they look.
- Learn to love without forgetting to forgive.
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