Hey you all!!! I know it has been awhile. As I always say. But it has literally been almost a year! But so much has happened in these 10 months, and that would have to another post for another day. But today we are obviously talking about depression. Now I have always been very vocal about my life and dealing with anxiety and depression. I don’t need to have it as a secret. And I also feel like it helps to talk about it so that it encourages others to explain what they are dealing it.
So for the last maybe 5-6 months my depression has really been at a all time high. Normally I am able to deal with it on my own. Isolate, meditate, stop drinking, getting rid of any negative energy, and changing my daily routine. But nothing seem to work this time, it had got to the point that I thought I need professional help. I had a major break down, while in a room with nothing but friends having a good time. I thought something was seriously wrong with me. I felt nothing but sadness for weeks. To the point I got up and cried to my mother about it.
Now mind you nothing in my life is really wrong. I still have a pretty good paying job to be only 26 and no degree, my kids are health and smarter than ever, my health is pretty good, makeup business is doing great, still in school and taking my time, and I FINALLY just moved in to my first apartment. So why am I feeling like this? I try to explain to others but most don’t understand. Always asking well what if it is nothing going wrong, you should be grateful and happy. But it definitely doesn’t work like this. The one thing I have notice is that I stopped writing, I used to write poetry all the time! Just getting my thoughts out and really clear my head out. So I wrote this;
Depression is such a complex word…
Depression is the anxiety you feel, and the drinking to help numb it
It is the loneliness you feel, and the stranger that lies next to you to make you forget it
It is the tiredness you feel that sleep cannot cure.
Or when your family say you lack motivation. But they don’t know you can’t see yourself in the future.
It comes in so many forms
Hidden for days, sleeping for hours, shouting at love ones.
Your seem to be losing yourself in the mist of it.
It is the guilt of the things that you have done
And the fear of the failures that you have yet to attempt.
Constantly thinking everything you are doing is wrong in some way…
I haven’t been able to really see that I was suffering because I tend to keep myself so busy that I don’t get a moment to reflect or think. Sometimes it can be helpful other days it can be a real struggle.
If you need help or someone to talk to please try your love ones and if they can’t truly understand please contact a professional or even the Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255, you can also text them as well.
Thank you for reading.
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