Side Chick Music

Soo lets talk real quick. It was brought to my attention that SZA is supposedly “side chick music.”  Now if you really listen to SZA you would know what she is all about. But most people refer to her based off of her song “The Weekend” Where she says

“You say you got a girl
How you want me?
How you want me when you got a girl”

“My man is my man is your man
Heard that’s her man
Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday and Friday
I just keep him satisfied through the weekend”

And yeah on the outside looking in it sound exactly like that. But take it from this stand point. What if you were dealing with a man who is supposedly in love with two or more woman? each woman knows about each other and are okay with what is going on with him. Does that make her a side chick? who is really the main chick? But really is it just her saying shit he is for everybody!?

SZA isn’t this “Hey everybody lets just play these nigga how the play us!” She is about empowerment. Her songs are about the things she has and is going through. I bring this topic up because of her new music video Supermodel. The video begin with her doing what all woman do looking in the mirror pick at ourselves, with her “man” in the back laugh at her. These kids come and make her feel beautiful. As she is walking the road in a forest she is straight WORKING and SLAYING!!!! But while walking she see’s her man laughing at her again.

“I could be your supermodel
If you believe
If you see it in me
See it in me
See it in me

I don’t see myself
Why I can’t stay alone just by myself
Wish I was comfortable just with myself
But I need you”

That is the words of a woman that constantly fight with her self esteem something we all have trouble with. Its the same with the song Drew Barrymore

“I get so lonely, I forget what I’m worth
We get so lonely, we pretend that this works
I’m so ashamed of myself think I need therapy-y-y-y
I’m sorry I’m not more attractive
I’m sorry I’m not more ladylike
I’m sorry I don’t shave my legs at night
I’m sorry I’m not your baby mama
I’m sorry you got karma comin’ to you
Collect and soak in it right”

Here’s something from Broken Clocks

“All I got is these broken clocks
I ain’t got no time
Just burning daylight
Still up still up
Its still love its
Still love still love still loving still love
Nothing but love for you
Nothing but love
Nothing but love”

In the end of all of this SZA is a real one. She sings about being in these crazy stages of our lives in these crazy ass 20’s. Where you would think we would be past self esteem issues, bad relationships, and toxic love. But it life and we gotta keep pushing through. But next time you listen to supposedly “side chick music” listen to the story and not just the chicks who live their lives off of being a side chick. And just saying Shirley Murdock – As We Lay is side chick music lol but its still my jam! Tell me what you think about SZA -CTRL!

peace, love, and positivity

What I love and Why I love it

So I’m going to give you a quick story on why I love to do makeup and how I began this journey with it.

When I was about 15, I would say that was when I first notice that I was interested in makeup. I loved the colors of the eye shadows my mother had, How the black eyeliner would make my eyes pop. (I have light brown eyes.) It just use to be simply things like a little eyeliner here and there. Now of course I wasn’t the greatest at applying it but it was a start.

 

 

 

 

Now my senior prom is when I really got into makeup, I went to MAC to get it done as usually but this time the girl used so many colors and products I was so interested. asking question; What is this for? How do you use this?

 

 

 

Now I go off to college and start experimenting. But still not knowing nothing about contouring and highlighting or the importance of EYEBROWS!! But at least my base was even. lol

 

 

 

I leave college and just kind of do my own thing for awhile got to a relationship and really rarely wore makeup but here are a few pictures. Mind you still a working progress.

And then in 2014 I had my sons, I became a stay at home mom. I didn’t really do too much at home beside take care of my son’s and go to school. So  I watched YouTube makeup tutorials all day. How to contour and highlight, how to correctly do you eyebrow. HIGHLIGHTERS!!!! Eyeliner, Eye shadow blending. I had found my life goal. Once I started practicing, people would compliment me on my makeup all the time. How do I do this or that? Who does my makeup? Will I do their’s? I had truly found what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

Now I have never loved doing anything as much as I love doing my makeup and others too. It is my everything. I wonder for years what I wanted to do with my life. I have changed my major so many times from psychology, to early education, to IT, to now finally Business. I want to build myself a brand and create something I can give to my children when they come of age. I learned that within the last year that if you don’t follow your dreams and goals that what are you really doing?

 

Live Healthy ❤

 

 

Why you bother me when you know you don’t want me?

Photo credit : Rolling Stone

So lately I have been listening to a lot of SZA – CTRL, and if you haven’t. YOU SHOULD! It has me thinking, why do men bother you when we both know they don’t want you. A lot of the time my mom will say because they don’t want no one else to have you. They would rather make your life miserable, then to see you happy with someone else. Its a bit selfish. But then that brought me to do woman do it as well? Now I can only speak for myself. The only thing I ever wanted to see from any of my ex’s was that the excelled or advanced. In every relationship you are in, you are supposed to take something from that relationship whether its good or bad its supposed to be something to make you a better person. Most don’t but I try to. My longest relationship I was in, he would always tell me how I lack the ability to be honest. And for awhile of our relationship he was right. But then I decide I wasn’t going to keep the truth to myself, whatever needed to be said would be said. And if you don’t like what I say so be it, at least it has been said. It’s all about growth.

Now this brings me to my next talking point, its strange that all 20’s years go through this stage were we are trying figure why we don’t have a beautiful relationship like others, especially if we have all the tools to be in. My mother sent me a video that explained why most of us are still single or why we haven’t found the “one” John Gray // He Who Finds A Wife // 2016. You can click the link to hear his speech. But basically he saying that “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” which by the way is one of my favorite bible scriptures. But I guess my favorite thing about the whole video was that you are not a wife when he puts a ring on you. You have become his wife. But you were a wife before he found you. You have carry yourself as a wife, to be treated like a wife. But when you walk in the spirit of a girlfriend you will forever be a girlfriend. You have to act taken to be found. You have to have the characteristic of a wife to be chosen to be someone wife. So it had me thinking am I carrying myself as a girlfriend? It also had me thinking of the many people I know that have been in long term relationship 5+ years and yet they are not married. So does that mean they are only seen as girlfriends. Because most will say they cannot afford a ring or a wedding right now. But the ring does not symbolize your marriage, you two do. And hell you can always get tattoos on  your ring finger. You can always get married in the court house and have a small dinner with your close family. So once again why aren’t you married?

The real reason for it all is that we aren’t supposed to be out looking for love, we are supposed to be out looking for ourselves. Love comes to those who love themselves. Have you ever noticed that when you are focusing on yourself and expanding your life, you start to draw attention to yourself from the opposite or same sex? Now someone in that crowd means well for you but the other’s mean to destroy you. And its hard to filter it out. But with time things do change. But as long as you focus on creating and evolving yourself all the great things will fall into place.

check out my previous blogs 25 and still fucking single… and The Typical Life of a Baby Momma

And please watch out for my first video on YouTube about my life as a Typical Baby Momma. I will be posting my first video next week.

 

Live Healthy ❤

recognize.

 

A lot of times people think that their accomplishments have to go recognize. But they really don’t. I always tell people that the things I do and the reason I work so hard for the things I want in life is because I do it for myself, not for my kids, not for my family, not for my friends. I do what I want or need to give me the sense of accomplishment. I don’t do it so someone can give me a pat on the back. So just because you don’t see me moving doesn’t mean things aren’t in motion.

Something about you that you don’t know yet …

So I know what you’re thinking “Oh Lord here she goes again with growth and change.” But My mom brought something to me that really made me think. She said “Victoria you don’t know who you are. Those years that you are supposed be learning about yourself. You were in a relationship. So who is Victoria in her 20’s? All you know is who Victoria was as a teenager.” So I’m think damn she’s right. I don’t know who I am, so how can I change or grow when there is no foundation? As I was thinking I thought about the fact that before I got pregnant with my son’s I had a plan. I knew what I want to do and where I wanted to be by 25. I’ve always wanted to be a makeup artist and travel the world, be an MUA to the stars. For a minute I gave up on the dream while I was in my last relationship. I was so focus on what would make me a better girlfriend, friend, mother, and person. But never about what I truly wanted to be. I was going to school for IT but I hated it. I hated every minute that I had to think about it. I knew that wasn’t what I wanted but I need to have some type of career field to support my children. I needed stability.

Lately I been wondering about life, being that my birthday is in a few days and I’ll be 25. What are you doing Victoria? Are you happy where your life is right now at this very second? Is there something else you could be working harder for? Now at the moment no. My children are growing and learning everyday. My makeup career is sometimes slow, but it a slow season for makeup right now (being the the June wedding season is over). My regular job is cool for the most part. I have a good relationship with all my friends and family. Nothing is really out of the ordinary. But I guess your wondering well what about your love life?? It’s really not a priority. I’ve learned over time that I don’t need man to keep me warm at night, that’s what I got my munchkins for.

When I think about a healthy relationship, I don’t thinking about those cute meme with the matching clothes and shoes. I think about someone who I can talk to all day and even not all day. Someone that makes me smile when I’m literally in tears. Someone who I can grow with, build a home with, make business plans together, to be a whole and not just two halves. Someone who calls me and asks me have I eaten today because we know I will forget to eat. Someone who see’s a bill that needs to be paid and just pays it. No questions asked. I’m not looking for someone to take care of me which is probably why I can’t do the whole sugar daddy thing. But my partner in crime, My Bonnie (if you know the history you would know that the man was Bonnie, the woman was Clyde.), my best friend, my secret holder, my lifeline, and the father of my future children as well as a role model for my kids now. But I know the wishlist I have will come with due time. Nothing that will happen overnight.

As for right now I’m trying to figure out who the hell Victoria is! My 20’s are slowing ending and there are so many things that I want to complete before I’m 30. And if I don’t have another child til after I’m 35 so be it. At least I know then it will be with my future best friend.

Live Healthy ❤

My Goals For 2017

I know its March already but I didn’t want to write about my goals and until the where in full effect. I told myself that 2017 isn’t my so called “year.” But it is a chance  to make major changes in my life. So here are all my goals for the 2017 year and I have broken them down by Finances, Work, Business,Travel, and Self.

Finances  

So if you know me you know that I’m terrible with money. And its in the sense that I will pay all my bills, but any left over money is spending money. I get paid bi-weekly which means by Monday the following week, I’m broke. I know right sad. So I told myself that I’m going to create a real budget, put about 50 dollars in my saving every check as well as 25 dollars in both my sons account every check as well. I don’t think about the impossible and then the impossible happens. So for the month of January was a trial run and by February it was in full effect, Mind you before I got my taxes.

Work 

I have one major problems at work. Taking off too much and not having enough leave (Sometimes because of my son’s and other times because I just didn’t feel like coming). And something else I want to do is get my next promotion being that I have been at my job for 2 years I have received 3 raises and 2 promotions. But I know I can get more. But that part is easy, which is come to work and do my work. But the leave situation I have a solution which is that I change my schedule to what is called 4/10. This means that I work 4 days a week, 10 hours days and I’m off on a day I choose. I had this schedule before and it worked for me because If I had a doctors appointment or just didn’t feel like coming to work I would either schedule all my appointment on my day off, and also remind myself that I was going to be off so I didn’t call off too much and I really started to build up leave.

Business

This going to be kind of short, basically I want to start my own business, I’m currently a makeup artist on this side. Its my little side hustle. And I’m great at it. But I don’t want to be a makeup artist for the rest of my life, when I dream, I dream BIG. I want to own my own cosmetic company. And basically I go to school for business administration so I can get the idea of running a business. So my goal for this year is to write my business plan as well as be testing product by the end of this year.

Travel

The last 3 years I haven’t been out the state I live in. So this year I decided I’m traveling more. I’m not going to let anyone tell me where I can and can’t go. So this year is going to be places I want to go in the US and next year is places I want to go out of the country. But just a short list of where I will be going this year; Los Angeles, CA, Memphis, TN, Seattle, WA, Chicago, IL, Lake of the Ozarks, MO, New York City, NY and maybe New Orleans, LA. Now some of these I have already been to, but I enjoy the environment.

Self

Now this one is kind major for me. I have been changing my life everyday. But after last year 2 weeks before Christmas, my kids father and I got into a fight and broke up. And it made me reevaluate some things. Like why do I keep letting him in? Why can’t we work together in a relationship but be the greatest of friends? Can I really move on and find someone better? there was a million questions that ran through my mind. But one thing I realized and I got it from a song

Kehlani – Advice.

“I almost lost my mind, yeah
I left myself behind, yeah
I almost crashed and fell right from the sky
I took a chance on this, yeah
I took too big a risk, yeah
And now I’m left with pain to get me high”

It was time for me to take my own advice, i always tell people know your worth. Yes relationship are going to have there up’s and down’s, and stupid petty arguments but what we have to remember is “Is this argument going to be what breaks us or makes us?” Its just seemed like every arguments broke us even more down. So when he left, I let it go. And I grew from it. But now I’m in a space where I just want to focus on getting back in shape and continue my healthy life style, and continuing to grow in the person I am becoming. I notice that when you focus on yourself and your grind, people tend to gravitate towards you. So as for now its just about me and my kids and what makes us happy.

Monday’s… huh

You’re tired of being strong. But you still are. – Tony Robbins

 

Insecurities

I can’t believe I’m bring up this topic, but I told you all that I was going to be honest with you all in every opportunity that I have to. So we’re talking about insecurities. Now everyone has them; whether it is in a relationship, friendship, self reflection, or work related. We have it and deal with it everyday.

Now by definition Insecure means : not confident about yourself or your ability to do things well : nervous and uncomfortable.

Source: Merriam-Webster’s Learner’s Dictionary

Now I hate to do this but I’m going to give you a few of my insecurities. I have issue with my body, before my kids and now after them. Now like I’ve said in a previous post I have always been thick, but I always thought I was suppose to be skinny like the other girls or how my old doctor would explain it to me with those damn charts. But within the last year I’ve learned that everybody isn’t build the same and that I love my body the way it is. And that science is bullshit because at my height (5’4) I supposed to be between 124-135. I love my curves and wouldn’t have them if I was that small. Now that doesn’t mean I will eat and drink what I want and not take care of my body. I chosen to live a healthier life. But still indulge every once and awhile.

I don’t what to be hurt again. Now when I say this it’s because of what I’ve seen throughout my parent marriage. Without going into too much detail I’ve seen everything that has happen with my parents. From when my mom put my father out, to those night she cried all night. I was there and it killed me on the inside. I had to grow up fast, and it made me look at love a little different.It made me not be able to trust as quickly or if any at all. It took someone very special to me to help me let down my walls and be open about how was feeling. Because at one point letting my emotions out was not any option. I would rather you think I didn’t care than  for me to show I do.

At a certain point during my education I use to think I wasn’t very intelligent. As a kid I used to have a hard time reading. They told me I could read but actually comprehending the story was my problem. Now bless my mother, she did everything she could to make sure that I got to the right reading level, with tutors, school programs, EVERYTHING! But even after I had reached the point that I was reading past my grade level. I was still insecure about my abilities at school. When I graduated high school I had a 2.7 gpa, but only because I bullshitted my first two year or high school. But once I reach my junior year, I realized I was actually really smart, and once you show me how to do something I pretty much had it down. So now I’m in college in my last year before I graduate and I’m riding with a 3.3 gpa, which will probably be a 3.5 before the end of this quarter.  I read a new book on a monthly basis. And would rather read then watch TV any day. But at the end of it, I let go of that feeling that I wasn’t smart enough for anything. I give my full effort in my education.

We all have insecurities, rather you want to admitted it to yourself or not. And what’s funny is a lot of people think that what they are insecure about isn’t really an “insecurities” But if it make you feel unsure. Then it’s an insecurity. Sometimes it comes from our parents and what they did or what they show us when we were children. It shapes us into how we react to things, how we feel about things, and why we react to thing.

Now I’m not perfect by far, but at some point I decide that I wasn’t going let my insecurities control my life anymore. We have to stop picking on ourselves, and start loving ourselves. Life isn’t going to happen if let those insecurities hold you back. We have to grow!! Grow past them. I have never been this happy in life before. And I’m not going to stop because I feel a little insecure.

Living Healthy ❤

And It Don’t Stop.

I’ve been absolutely terrified every moment of my life – and I’ve never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do. – Georgia O’Keeffe

Wednesday Quote

 

Forgiveness is the final form of love. – Reinhold Niebuhr