Choices

Choices, man where do I began. I can hear everyone saying well its your choice but make sure you make the right one. Like I feel like that all I’ve been hearing lately. But when all reality I don’t even know what the right choice is. When I make decision I do it based on how it effects my kids and I (mostly my kids). Now I have been working hard and things have been flowing a lot more easier in a lot of the elements in my life. Now I am still single. But for the most part I like this way. No really commitments or obligations. Now even though I’m single I’m far from lonely. But I guess some of my most recent choices have some my close friends concerned. And I get why, but shit what am I really to do. But to be honest I’m at this point again where I don’t want to tell anybody what’s going on. Because I don’t want to feel judged. Half the time I don’t know if it the right or wrong choice. All I know is it makes me happy, even in the moment, It puts me in a place that I once was so close to, that moment where there are no problems, no arguments, no he said she said, just pure emotions, and  with all realness I love it.

Now I won’t going into details about what I’m talking about. But choices are what makes or break a situation. I live my life with nothing but positive energy. I like positive thoughts, saying, and criticism. Now I know what you’re thinking positive criticism? Yes, you can give people criticism  without being negative. When you put negativity in the air, only negative things will happen. I like to think that what I put in the universe is what I will get back. Now this years has just started and I have had my ups and downs but for the most part it has been nothing but ups.  Some times we get so focused on what people will think about the things we do and don’t want to do. Now I have been like this before always worried about what people will think about who I’m with, what we’re doing, and how picture perfect everything will look like. But really to be honest FUCK THAT SHIT!

Now please don’t think that something serious is going on, shit to be honest I don’t know. I’m just going with the flow. But I like it so far. So when it comes to your choices do what makes you happy even if people don’t like the choices you are and will be making.

peace, love, and positivity

Side Chick Music

Soo lets talk real quick. It was brought to my attention that SZA is supposedly “side chick music.”  Now if you really listen to SZA you would know what she is all about. But most people refer to her based off of her song “The Weekend” Where she says

“You say you got a girl
How you want me?
How you want me when you got a girl”

“My man is my man is your man
Heard that’s her man
Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday and Friday
I just keep him satisfied through the weekend”

And yeah on the outside looking in it sound exactly like that. But take it from this stand point. What if you were dealing with a man who is supposedly in love with two or more woman? each woman knows about each other and are okay with what is going on with him. Does that make her a side chick? who is really the main chick? But really is it just her saying shit he is for everybody!?

SZA isn’t this “Hey everybody lets just play these nigga how the play us!” She is about empowerment. Her songs are about the things she has and is going through. I bring this topic up because of her new music video Supermodel. The video begin with her doing what all woman do looking in the mirror pick at ourselves, with her “man” in the back laugh at her. These kids come and make her feel beautiful. As she is walking the road in a forest she is straight WORKING and SLAYING!!!! But while walking she see’s her man laughing at her again.

“I could be your supermodel
If you believe
If you see it in me
See it in me
See it in me

I don’t see myself
Why I can’t stay alone just by myself
Wish I was comfortable just with myself
But I need you”

That is the words of a woman that constantly fight with her self esteem something we all have trouble with. Its the same with the song Drew Barrymore

“I get so lonely, I forget what I’m worth
We get so lonely, we pretend that this works
I’m so ashamed of myself think I need therapy-y-y-y
I’m sorry I’m not more attractive
I’m sorry I’m not more ladylike
I’m sorry I don’t shave my legs at night
I’m sorry I’m not your baby mama
I’m sorry you got karma comin’ to you
Collect and soak in it right”

Here’s something from Broken Clocks

“All I got is these broken clocks
I ain’t got no time
Just burning daylight
Still up still up
Its still love its
Still love still love still loving still love
Nothing but love for you
Nothing but love
Nothing but love”

In the end of all of this SZA is a real one. She sings about being in these crazy stages of our lives in these crazy ass 20’s. Where you would think we would be past self esteem issues, bad relationships, and toxic love. But it life and we gotta keep pushing through. But next time you listen to supposedly “side chick music” listen to the story and not just the chicks who live their lives off of being a side chick. And just saying Shirley Murdock – As We Lay is side chick music lol but its still my jam! Tell me what you think about SZA -CTRL!

peace, love, and positivity

1-800-273-8255

 

So recently I have notice a lot rapper making song like “XO Tour Llif3” Where Lil Uzi Vert keeps saying at “push me to the edge, all my friends are dead” and Logic 1-800-273-8255 “I don’t want to be alive, I just wanna die today” And at first I thought it was something a lot more sinister than what it really was. But after I watched this video and I’ll at the link for you all to see it.

How Logic, Lil Uzi Vert, And XXXTENTACION Put Mental Health Center Stage In Hip-Hop | Genius News

Please watch!

But after watching this video I learned that it is more of a cry for help. Or even just explaining the things that have happened or currently something that these rapper are going through. I thought okay let me at least give this a chance. So I watch Lil Uzi Vert’s video and was shocked! It was a sad mixture of what you think people are actually doing and what is actually going on mentally. The enter demon we all face everyday.  Now going toward Logic – 1-800-273-8255, I first watch the video thing okay what exactly is going on and not knowing that the phone number is to the suicide helpline. As many times as I have seen this number on shows and just around I never once thought to remember it. But I was MOVED to tears because I seen people go through this, I know this feeling that people are going through. Now no I’m not gay. But I have battle depression all my life as well as anxiety, I have of course had postpartum, but didn’t even know until my son’s were home to realize it. Logic song moved me to tears, I still can’t listen to it without tears falling every time. These are real struggles that we all go through but we only think it’s ourselves that are going through it. But you’re not.

I have never thought about killing myself, but I know friends that have tried to kill themselves. Shit I was there one day and had to call 911 because I didn’t know how many pill he tried to take. But my anxiety is still very real. I over analyze everything, always wonder is this going to happen, what about if  I make this person feel like this, and how can I give my kids the perfect childhood where they don’t have to have coping mechanisms when something traumatic happens. I won’t tell you I had a horrible childhood because I would be lying.  My mother and father loved me and give me the world. But I had seen something that have shaped me into the person I am to now, and still do cry about the things that have happened. I have panic and anxiety attacks regularly. And for the most part I get myself together and let it past. But it’s still an everyday struggle. We have to start taking mental health seriously. We can save so many more lives if we just listen to people for one quick second and understand that it might be a cry for help.

“I want you to be alive. You don’t gotta die. Now lemme tell you why”

Please if you’re having thoughts of suicide please call this number 1-800-273-8255

peace, love, and positivity