Choices

Choices, man where do I began. I can hear everyone saying well its your choice but make sure you make the right one. Like I feel like that all I’ve been hearing lately. But when all reality I don’t even know what the right choice is. When I make decision I do it based on how it effects my kids and I (mostly my kids). Now I have been working hard and things have been flowing a lot more easier in a lot of the elements in my life. Now I am still single. But for the most part I like this way. No really commitments or obligations. Now even though I’m single I’m far from lonely. But I guess some of my most recent choices have some my close friends concerned. And I get why, but shit what am I really to do. But to be honest I’m at this point again where I don’t want to tell anybody what’s going on. Because I don’t want to feel judged. Half the time I don’t know if it the right or wrong choice. All I know is it makes me happy, even in the moment, It puts me in a place that I once was so close to, that moment where there are no problems, no arguments, no he said she said, just pure emotions, and  with all realness I love it.

Now I won’t going into details about what I’m talking about. But choices are what makes or break a situation. I live my life with nothing but positive energy. I like positive thoughts, saying, and criticism. Now I know what you’re thinking positive criticism? Yes, you can give people criticism  without being negative. When you put negativity in the air, only negative things will happen. I like to think that what I put in the universe is what I will get back. Now this years has just started and I have had my ups and downs but for the most part it has been nothing but ups.  Some times we get so focused on what people will think about the things we do and don’t want to do. Now I have been like this before always worried about what people will think about who I’m with, what we’re doing, and how picture perfect everything will look like. But really to be honest FUCK THAT SHIT!

Now please don’t think that something serious is going on, shit to be honest I don’t know. I’m just going with the flow. But I like it so far. So when it comes to your choices do what makes you happy even if people don’t like the choices you are and will be making.

peace, love, and positivity

Side Chick Music

Soo lets talk real quick. It was brought to my attention that SZA is supposedly “side chick music.”  Now if you really listen to SZA you would know what she is all about. But most people refer to her based off of her song “The Weekend” Where she says

“You say you got a girl
How you want me?
How you want me when you got a girl”

“My man is my man is your man
Heard that’s her man
Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday and Friday
I just keep him satisfied through the weekend”

And yeah on the outside looking in it sound exactly like that. But take it from this stand point. What if you were dealing with a man who is supposedly in love with two or more woman? each woman knows about each other and are okay with what is going on with him. Does that make her a side chick? who is really the main chick? But really is it just her saying shit he is for everybody!?

SZA isn’t this “Hey everybody lets just play these nigga how the play us!” She is about empowerment. Her songs are about the things she has and is going through. I bring this topic up because of her new music video Supermodel. The video begin with her doing what all woman do looking in the mirror pick at ourselves, with her “man” in the back laugh at her. These kids come and make her feel beautiful. As she is walking the road in a forest she is straight WORKING and SLAYING!!!! But while walking she see’s her man laughing at her again.

“I could be your supermodel
If you believe
If you see it in me
See it in me
See it in me

I don’t see myself
Why I can’t stay alone just by myself
Wish I was comfortable just with myself
But I need you”

That is the words of a woman that constantly fight with her self esteem something we all have trouble with. Its the same with the song Drew Barrymore

“I get so lonely, I forget what I’m worth
We get so lonely, we pretend that this works
I’m so ashamed of myself think I need therapy-y-y-y
I’m sorry I’m not more attractive
I’m sorry I’m not more ladylike
I’m sorry I don’t shave my legs at night
I’m sorry I’m not your baby mama
I’m sorry you got karma comin’ to you
Collect and soak in it right”

Here’s something from Broken Clocks

“All I got is these broken clocks
I ain’t got no time
Just burning daylight
Still up still up
Its still love its
Still love still love still loving still love
Nothing but love for you
Nothing but love
Nothing but love”

In the end of all of this SZA is a real one. She sings about being in these crazy stages of our lives in these crazy ass 20’s. Where you would think we would be past self esteem issues, bad relationships, and toxic love. But it life and we gotta keep pushing through. But next time you listen to supposedly “side chick music” listen to the story and not just the chicks who live their lives off of being a side chick. And just saying Shirley Murdock – As We Lay is side chick music lol but its still my jam! Tell me what you think about SZA -CTRL!

peace, love, and positivity

What I love and Why I love it

So I’m going to give you a quick story on why I love to do makeup and how I began this journey with it.

When I was about 15, I would say that was when I first notice that I was interested in makeup. I loved the colors of the eye shadows my mother had, How the black eyeliner would make my eyes pop. (I have light brown eyes.) It just use to be simply things like a little eyeliner here and there. Now of course I wasn’t the greatest at applying it but it was a start.

 

 

 

 

Now my senior prom is when I really got into makeup, I went to MAC to get it done as usually but this time the girl used so many colors and products I was so interested. asking question; What is this for? How do you use this?

 

 

 

Now I go off to college and start experimenting. But still not knowing nothing about contouring and highlighting or the importance of EYEBROWS!! But at least my base was even. lol

 

 

 

I leave college and just kind of do my own thing for awhile got to a relationship and really rarely wore makeup but here are a few pictures. Mind you still a working progress.

And then in 2014 I had my sons, I became a stay at home mom. I didn’t really do too much at home beside take care of my son’s and go to school. So  I watched YouTube makeup tutorials all day. How to contour and highlight, how to correctly do you eyebrow. HIGHLIGHTERS!!!! Eyeliner, Eye shadow blending. I had found my life goal. Once I started practicing, people would compliment me on my makeup all the time. How do I do this or that? Who does my makeup? Will I do their’s? I had truly found what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

Now I have never loved doing anything as much as I love doing my makeup and others too. It is my everything. I wonder for years what I wanted to do with my life. I have changed my major so many times from psychology, to early education, to IT, to now finally Business. I want to build myself a brand and create something I can give to my children when they come of age. I learned that within the last year that if you don’t follow your dreams and goals that what are you really doing?

 

Live Healthy ❤

 

 

Why you bother me when you know you don’t want me?

Photo credit : Rolling Stone

So lately I have been listening to a lot of SZA – CTRL, and if you haven’t. YOU SHOULD! It has me thinking, why do men bother you when we both know they don’t want you. A lot of the time my mom will say because they don’t want no one else to have you. They would rather make your life miserable, then to see you happy with someone else. Its a bit selfish. But then that brought me to do woman do it as well? Now I can only speak for myself. The only thing I ever wanted to see from any of my ex’s was that the excelled or advanced. In every relationship you are in, you are supposed to take something from that relationship whether its good or bad its supposed to be something to make you a better person. Most don’t but I try to. My longest relationship I was in, he would always tell me how I lack the ability to be honest. And for awhile of our relationship he was right. But then I decide I wasn’t going to keep the truth to myself, whatever needed to be said would be said. And if you don’t like what I say so be it, at least it has been said. It’s all about growth.

Now this brings me to my next talking point, its strange that all 20’s years go through this stage were we are trying figure why we don’t have a beautiful relationship like others, especially if we have all the tools to be in. My mother sent me a video that explained why most of us are still single or why we haven’t found the “one” John Gray // He Who Finds A Wife // 2016. You can click the link to hear his speech. But basically he saying that “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” which by the way is one of my favorite bible scriptures. But I guess my favorite thing about the whole video was that you are not a wife when he puts a ring on you. You have become his wife. But you were a wife before he found you. You have carry yourself as a wife, to be treated like a wife. But when you walk in the spirit of a girlfriend you will forever be a girlfriend. You have to act taken to be found. You have to have the characteristic of a wife to be chosen to be someone wife. So it had me thinking am I carrying myself as a girlfriend? It also had me thinking of the many people I know that have been in long term relationship 5+ years and yet they are not married. So does that mean they are only seen as girlfriends. Because most will say they cannot afford a ring or a wedding right now. But the ring does not symbolize your marriage, you two do. And hell you can always get tattoos on  your ring finger. You can always get married in the court house and have a small dinner with your close family. So once again why aren’t you married?

The real reason for it all is that we aren’t supposed to be out looking for love, we are supposed to be out looking for ourselves. Love comes to those who love themselves. Have you ever noticed that when you are focusing on yourself and expanding your life, you start to draw attention to yourself from the opposite or same sex? Now someone in that crowd means well for you but the other’s mean to destroy you. And its hard to filter it out. But with time things do change. But as long as you focus on creating and evolving yourself all the great things will fall into place.

check out my previous blogs 25 and still fucking single… and The Typical Life of a Baby Momma

And please watch out for my first video on YouTube about my life as a Typical Baby Momma. I will be posting my first video next week.

 

Live Healthy ❤

Going Bra Less

Yep you read correct! I’ve decided to go bra less. Now I know you’re like wtf for? I’ve been doing my own research on why we first are “supposed” to wear bras and the benefits and then I did my research on why we really don’t need to wear bras. So I’ll show you some of the pro’s and con’s of both. The bra industry is was made to make woman think we need to wear bras, that it would keep them from sagging, or it would help with back support, that it helps keep them under control when being active.

Pros

1. Going bra-less actually help your breast stay perky. Wondering why? Your breast have natural muscles that keep them up. When you wear a bra your body becomes less depended on its own muscles and more on the bra to keep them up. By the time we’re in our 50’s we have saggy breast and that muscle like all other muscles becomes soft when unused.
2. It helps blood circulation, when wearing a bra it can cause restriction from the bands around your upper body. So even if you don’t feel comfortable not wearing a bra all day. As soon as you get home take that bitch off!! lol.
3. Its a lot more comfortable when you go all day without it. Once you get passed the feeling of not wearing a bra you get comfortable with walking around like if you had one on. It becomes normal…. eventually.
4. Pro for me… I have a slip disc in my lower spine, and when I wear bra it tends to make me uncomfortable throughout the day. But once I get home and take my bra off I feel a lot better. So I decided to go a whole week without wearing one and I’ve only had one day with a back problem and to add I was on my period that day and cramps are a bitch.
5. Save money! Bra are expensive. And I like Victoria Secret and Pink bras, those are 40-50 dollars. Overall it a cost that can be cut.

Cons

1. Nipping. Uggghhhh the worst of the worst. This the one thing that made me feel super uncomfortable when I was at work or out and about. So I researched things I could do to stop nipping. Because shit it gets cold in my build and my nipples are pieced so they automatically get hard.
2. Getting used to being without a bra. I’ve been wearing a bra since I was 11 years old. It becomes a part of your routine. Underwear, bra, shirt, pants, socks. So getting used to not using that one thing is hard to forget. But I’ve gotten used to it.
3. Having big boobs so you supposedly need a bra. Now I don’t know to much on this because I am a C cup but here is a really good article on woman with big boobs and going braless .

 

Things that can help with going braless

Pasties !

These are reusable up to to 30 times, you can clean the with a mid soap and they are ready to go. I like these for when I’m wearing camisoles.

Nipple shields

These have to be my absolute favorite!! Its self adhesive, which means it stick to your body when it warms up and once it’s stuck it not going anywhere! Once again its reusable.

A Quick Breast Lift

 

These are awesome for regular tee shirts! It comes with pasties. It lifts your breast up and makes them look even perkier. Con of course it not reusable but I like this as well.

In the picture above I’m wearing the breast lift and I have to say it was perfect. I wasn’t uncomfortable, my nipples weren’t showing and it had a nice natural lift look.

Overall I can tell a little difference in my breast and myself confidence in my body. Slowly but surely I’m learning to accept my body as is. Now I know what your thinking where are all your bras at??? Still at home. I only use them when needed which is usually for special occasions. And if people are staring at you because they can see your nipple stare right back at them. You shouldn’t feel shamed for YOUR body. Let the nipple be free!

 

Live Healthy ❤

 

recognize.

 

A lot of times people think that their accomplishments have to go recognize. But they really don’t. I always tell people that the things I do and the reason I work so hard for the things I want in life is because I do it for myself, not for my kids, not for my family, not for my friends. I do what I want or need to give me the sense of accomplishment. I don’t do it so someone can give me a pat on the back. So just because you don’t see me moving doesn’t mean things aren’t in motion.

Something about you that you don’t know yet …

So I know what you’re thinking “Oh Lord here she goes again with growth and change.” But My mom brought something to me that really made me think. She said “Victoria you don’t know who you are. Those years that you are supposed be learning about yourself. You were in a relationship. So who is Victoria in her 20’s? All you know is who Victoria was as a teenager.” So I’m think damn she’s right. I don’t know who I am, so how can I change or grow when there is no foundation? As I was thinking I thought about the fact that before I got pregnant with my son’s I had a plan. I knew what I want to do and where I wanted to be by 25. I’ve always wanted to be a makeup artist and travel the world, be an MUA to the stars. For a minute I gave up on the dream while I was in my last relationship. I was so focus on what would make me a better girlfriend, friend, mother, and person. But never about what I truly wanted to be. I was going to school for IT but I hated it. I hated every minute that I had to think about it. I knew that wasn’t what I wanted but I need to have some type of career field to support my children. I needed stability.

Lately I been wondering about life, being that my birthday is in a few days and I’ll be 25. What are you doing Victoria? Are you happy where your life is right now at this very second? Is there something else you could be working harder for? Now at the moment no. My children are growing and learning everyday. My makeup career is sometimes slow, but it a slow season for makeup right now (being the the June wedding season is over). My regular job is cool for the most part. I have a good relationship with all my friends and family. Nothing is really out of the ordinary. But I guess your wondering well what about your love life?? It’s really not a priority. I’ve learned over time that I don’t need man to keep me warm at night, that’s what I got my munchkins for.

When I think about a healthy relationship, I don’t thinking about those cute meme with the matching clothes and shoes. I think about someone who I can talk to all day and even not all day. Someone that makes me smile when I’m literally in tears. Someone who I can grow with, build a home with, make business plans together, to be a whole and not just two halves. Someone who calls me and asks me have I eaten today because we know I will forget to eat. Someone who see’s a bill that needs to be paid and just pays it. No questions asked. I’m not looking for someone to take care of me which is probably why I can’t do the whole sugar daddy thing. But my partner in crime, My Bonnie (if you know the history you would know that the man was Bonnie, the woman was Clyde.), my best friend, my secret holder, my lifeline, and the father of my future children as well as a role model for my kids now. But I know the wishlist I have will come with due time. Nothing that will happen overnight.

As for right now I’m trying to figure out who the hell Victoria is! My 20’s are slowing ending and there are so many things that I want to complete before I’m 30. And if I don’t have another child til after I’m 35 so be it. At least I know then it will be with my future best friend.

Live Healthy ❤

Rather Die Young

“Boy you’ll be the death of me
You’re my James Dean
You make me feel like I’m seventeen
You drive too fast, you smoke too much
But that don’t mean a thing
‘Cause I’m addicted to the rush”

Its something about being in love and feeling like a teenager. That makes me feel like everyday can always be a good day even when it’s bad. Or someone pisses me off, work becomes overwhelming. I got someone that is literally everything I need.

Being His Rock or His Mother?

So today I decided to reread a book,  Steve Harvey’s Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man . And I had forgotten how good of a read this was. Now I literally just started reading it again so I’m at chapter 2. But after ready chapter 1, I thought about somethings. He explains that a man need three things in he’s life to be successful; who he is, what he does, and how much he makes. He won’t even began to think of marriage until those three things are completed. And even though we are with this man, supporting he through he failure, and trial and error. It will still not be enough until he need to be were he’s at. But then here the dilemma there is this stigma that men need “ride or die” woman. The ones that are there through it all because it show’s their loyalty. But why?

From as long as I can remember we (Women) are supposed to be the man’s back bone. Through his struggle were supposed to be there. But what if I don’t want to be apart of his struggle? Now I’m not saying don’t have your man’s back when he’s down, because he can always get right back up. But what I am saying is that it shouldn’t be my obligation to take care of him. Picture it like this; I’m have a full time job, I go to school, take care of my kids, and have one blog, a YouTube channel, and I’m a makeup artist. Now let call this man John. John has no job, has no intent on going to school, a large debt to income ratio, stays with he’s mother, and no car. I’m supposed to support John through this??? uhhhhhhh NO! *in my Michael Kyle voice* Why in the world am I supposed to settle for less when I have so much more to offer?

Now this doesn’t mean I’m that stuck up type, that I needs a man with a six figure job, a whole bunch of cars, multiple big beautiful house, and a credit score of 850 or better. But I want you to at least have some of the same things that I have. Now lets call this other guy Richard. Richard still lives with he’s mother, but he almost done with school, has a job in he’s career field, credit score is 800, has he’s own car, and a side hustle too. Now I can deal with that because unlike John, Richard has something to offer besides dick! Richard has stability.

Steve Harvey put in he’s book that men don’t love like woman do. But I guess I partly disagree, because we all crave the same things from our partner. But when it comes to the being successful, we should be motivating each other, where in the book it say that a man needs to go do this on his own. And in some sense I get that but if you have nobody to give you a high five or pat on the back when you’ve accomplished something, how do expect for some to catch you when you fall? They go hand in hand. I just always felt like, if we’re at the bottom together then we can get to the top together, but if I’m half way there by myself and your still at the bottom, then it isn’t going to work if you’re not willing to come up with me.

The best way to explain it is from Snoop Dogg. lol I know! But it applies to both  friendships and relationship. “This is the gap when we started. This is the gap as you grow. Notice how you grow and they don’t. So, how do you close the gap? You gotta come back down. When you come back down you lose. So, you gotta keep going up. That’s why closing the gap gotta be them catching up to you. And if they don’t catch up you gotta leave ‘em behind.” You can click on the like to watch the full conversation between Snoop Dogg and A$AP Rocky (AKA Bae). I feel this quote is the most relevant to the situation. Why must I come down? So you can feel better about yourself? But then I’m not winning, I’m not going anywhere. And that’s not fair to me. So my question for you is Are you his rock or his mother? 

My Goals For 2017

I know its March already but I didn’t want to write about my goals and until the where in full effect. I told myself that 2017 isn’t my so called “year.” But it is a chance  to make major changes in my life. So here are all my goals for the 2017 year and I have broken them down by Finances, Work, Business,Travel, and Self.

Finances  

So if you know me you know that I’m terrible with money. And its in the sense that I will pay all my bills, but any left over money is spending money. I get paid bi-weekly which means by Monday the following week, I’m broke. I know right sad. So I told myself that I’m going to create a real budget, put about 50 dollars in my saving every check as well as 25 dollars in both my sons account every check as well. I don’t think about the impossible and then the impossible happens. So for the month of January was a trial run and by February it was in full effect, Mind you before I got my taxes.

Work 

I have one major problems at work. Taking off too much and not having enough leave (Sometimes because of my son’s and other times because I just didn’t feel like coming). And something else I want to do is get my next promotion being that I have been at my job for 2 years I have received 3 raises and 2 promotions. But I know I can get more. But that part is easy, which is come to work and do my work. But the leave situation I have a solution which is that I change my schedule to what is called 4/10. This means that I work 4 days a week, 10 hours days and I’m off on a day I choose. I had this schedule before and it worked for me because If I had a doctors appointment or just didn’t feel like coming to work I would either schedule all my appointment on my day off, and also remind myself that I was going to be off so I didn’t call off too much and I really started to build up leave.

Business

This going to be kind of short, basically I want to start my own business, I’m currently a makeup artist on this side. Its my little side hustle. And I’m great at it. But I don’t want to be a makeup artist for the rest of my life, when I dream, I dream BIG. I want to own my own cosmetic company. And basically I go to school for business administration so I can get the idea of running a business. So my goal for this year is to write my business plan as well as be testing product by the end of this year.

Travel

The last 3 years I haven’t been out the state I live in. So this year I decided I’m traveling more. I’m not going to let anyone tell me where I can and can’t go. So this year is going to be places I want to go in the US and next year is places I want to go out of the country. But just a short list of where I will be going this year; Los Angeles, CA, Memphis, TN, Seattle, WA, Chicago, IL, Lake of the Ozarks, MO, New York City, NY and maybe New Orleans, LA. Now some of these I have already been to, but I enjoy the environment.

Self

Now this one is kind major for me. I have been changing my life everyday. But after last year 2 weeks before Christmas, my kids father and I got into a fight and broke up. And it made me reevaluate some things. Like why do I keep letting him in? Why can’t we work together in a relationship but be the greatest of friends? Can I really move on and find someone better? there was a million questions that ran through my mind. But one thing I realized and I got it from a song

Kehlani – Advice.

“I almost lost my mind, yeah
I left myself behind, yeah
I almost crashed and fell right from the sky
I took a chance on this, yeah
I took too big a risk, yeah
And now I’m left with pain to get me high”

It was time for me to take my own advice, i always tell people know your worth. Yes relationship are going to have there up’s and down’s, and stupid petty arguments but what we have to remember is “Is this argument going to be what breaks us or makes us?” Its just seemed like every arguments broke us even more down. So when he left, I let it go. And I grew from it. But now I’m in a space where I just want to focus on getting back in shape and continue my healthy life style, and continuing to grow in the person I am becoming. I notice that when you focus on yourself and your grind, people tend to gravitate towards you. So as for now its just about me and my kids and what makes us happy.